A little over a week ago we announced to surprised friends and family that 6.5 months into this pregnancy we're considering having a homebirth.
Many have been supportive. I think the ones who are shocked or just think we're crazy are biting their tongues a little longer.
To be honest, the decision has shocked few people more than B & I. For T's birth I thought our decision to birth at a Birth Center within a hospital had gotten us the best of both worlds: natural, home-like setting with emergency care a floor away. Truthfully, despite how badly I wanted a natural birth, the thought of going to a private Birth Center or having a homebirth with no option of medical pain relief worried me. I'd never experienced labor, I had no idea what it would be like.
After what then happened with
T's birth, some people would think it all the more reason to go the hospital route again. So what made us head all the way across the spectrum to opt for a
homebirth?
The answer came inadvertently from the doulas we were interviewing. All very kind, caring women who we'd be privileged to have at our birth, they each subtly (or not so subtly) asked us if we'd considered homebirth. I could see their bias, as one friend (who's a doula) put it, hospital births had burnt her out. She was tired of the fight, of the negotiation necessary to balance a mother's needs and desires with that of the litigation-fearing, rule-heavy, risk-management-focused hospital policies. Especially if you're hoping for an intervention-free, natural labor and childbirth, hospitals are a negotiation-heavy place to birth your baby. None of the doulas we interviewed admitted any of this in their interviews; all knew we were birthing at a hospital and were offering to support us night or day for the 6 - 18 - 24+ hours I was in labor.
But a couple admitted hearing something that we had not yet listened to from ourselves. Our feelings about T's birth, what went wrong (and what went right), and what we feared as a result: not knowing where we would birth or who would deliver our baby; losing privileges (like walking around, being allowed to eat, access to a birth ball, a shower or bath, having family or professional labor support present) that I was counting on to help me labor; being at the mercy of machines and invasive monitoring (not only if necessary but as routine procedures); and lowest-common-denominator rules that, if broken, would set off a chain reaction that would override our needs and wishes swiftly and possibly, completely.
To be clear, I will be thrilled to have pitocin, an epidural, forceps, a vacuum extractor, an episiotomy or a C-section if they are necessary to save my life or my baby's. For all the babies and families whose births have not ended in tragedy that otherwise would have, I thank God for creating NICUs and the doctors and nurses who provide that lifesaving care.
This decision was never about hating hospitals. I've quite liked the care I've received from the midwives at Kaiser. The decision is more about recognizing the politics and bartering that come with birth in the U.S., and in light of that, prioritizing what we wanted for this birth: relaxation, comfort, self-determination and trust to allow my body to do what it knows so well how to do. Of course I want a safe birth as well, but with the medical equipment and experience of the midwives we choose, and having two hospitals within 1.2 miles of our home should we need one, I'm confident I'll have that too.
This morning we're off to interview our second midwife and her team. So far I'm loving the luxury of hour-long appointments, a holistic perspective on the health of my pregnancy, including not only my obstetric care but my diet and emotional well-being; the ability to have a long-desired (and not available in any SD hospitals) waterbirth; the idea that 2-3 women midwives and attendants will be present to support me throughout labor and birth; and that as soon as we're settled and stable after the birth, they will leave us to sleep, rest and be together as a family (unlike the hospital which had nurses waking both baby and I to do routine checks every 2 hours day and night, even when we'd JUST gotten T to sleep). In addition to massage, aromatherapy and cranio-sacral therapies, some also offer mother and baby postnatal care for a full nine months after the birth!
I don't know that homebirth would have been right for us for T's birth. Maybe, maybe not. But despite sometimes considering what else 3.5-4.5K could buy us (a family holiday back to Belize?! A down payment towards the more mundane, but needed, deck repair or house residing we're VERY slowly saving up for?) this decision has felt very right for us.
