The second time around

I have a lot of friends who are pregnant or new parents, which -besides allowing me to welcome some adorable new babies to the world- has allowed me to reflect in their joy and anticipation at the incredible process of bringing a child into the world and adapting from our society's hyper-individualistic single/couple lives to parenthood.

It's also made me that much more aware of how different it is the second time around.

To set the foundation: this pregnancy was planned, and we're thrilled about it. That is, when I can remember I'm pregnant. It's a lot easier now that my belly protrudes like an engorged watermelon knocking into everything less than a foot infront of me, and little Mister is practicing his tap dance routine on my spleen at bi-hourly intervals. His birth is only 3-3.5 months away, so logistically, the preparations for that are on our minds as well.

But besides the joy and appreciation that there's a healthy little boy growing away, waiting to join our family, I sometimes have tinges of disappointment that I haven't been able to enjoy this pregnancy to the same level I was able to enjoy T's. The reasons for the difference are all completely understandable, and center primarily on the fact that there's not the novelty of a first time pregnancy, birth and transition to parenthood to celebrate. It's less novel for us, and it's less novel for those around us. I just wish that didn't translate to less excitement. Speaking as much from my opinion as a friend/relative of parents having their second (third or fourth) child, as that of a mother, I think the assumption is that second-time parents don't need as much support. They've been there, done that, know what to expect and already have all the baby clothes/toys/books/furniture/apparatuses.

In reality I'm only now appreciating the loneliness that assumption of aptitude can bring. Families stay for less time, friends offer less help (speaking as a guilty party!), and generally there's less of a circus made about the new arrival, though you're now balancing all the sleep deprivation and adjustments of a newborn with taking care of a (likely jealous) constantly-on-the-go 2 yr old as well! I do remember when T was a week or so old, B & I collapsing desperately into bed as Mom & Dad took her for a walk and thinking, "What on earth would we do if we 1) didn't have parents here, and 2) had a noisy toddler that was running around wanting to eat or play?"

We're now trying to get our heads around the fact that that will be our reality in just a few months. Our families will be coming (thank goodness!!), but due to unavoidable commitments in their lives, will not be able to stay for longer than 1-2 weeks at most. Luckily, we also have many wonderful people around us who I don't doubt will provide an excellent welcoming party and support network for us yet again.

And if there's one thing the last 2 years has taught me, it's that whatever comes, you adjust. Billions of families all over the world have chosen to have more than one child and lived to tell the tale; we certainly will too. We've got lots of examples around us, and my admiration and awe of those that have balanced caring for a toddler (or others) and a newborn continues to reach new heights. We'll just have to ask them for lots of advice.