This is probably a bad idea.
Social mores dictate that we must not admit out loud (let alone post publicly) that we are unsociable. New friends coming into your life are a blessing and you are always open to and welcoming to these new relationships. But the truth is, I'm not. I've finally come to the conclusion: I don't actually want new friends.
I'm aware that society likely views me as a social pariah. Rude. Self-centered. Unfriendly.
But the reality is much simpler. Over the last seven years we've built up a fantastic social circle in San Diego. Friends from B's first job here; friends from my rotating cadre of colleagues; prenatal classes through new baby friends; T's preschool friends and friends-of-friends-who-became-friends...
We've culled a bit; close friends have moved away; some new ones have moved in. Our rolodex of friends is now populated by 20 - 30 people we really like. And unfortunately, rarely see.
Most weeks stream by in a blur. I wake up; there's some morning activity that involves 1) COFFEE 2) cereal 3) struggles with clothes and small limbs and lots of complaining 4) rushing out the door; lots of work; a commute home and then in quick succession: dinner, PJs and bed. Not just the kids. B & I too.
Suddenly a weekend approaches and we are faced with Groundhog Day-like deja-vu of scheduling Family Time (just us 4), work, housework, home projects, a personal time/sanity break each for B & I and, if we're lucky, some social activity with friends. But then which ones? There are a few who I would consider close friends who I can count on one hand how often we've seen them this year. My best friend I rarely see outside of work. Even friends who we get to see fairly frequently we then lose for weeks or months to travel schedules, work hectic-ness or efforts to implement consistent nap or bedtimes (the Tyrannies of Toddlers/Preschoolers/Kindergarteners will be another post).
But isn't this how many of our friends' lives look, especially those with small humans they must care for 24-7?
Maybe. But it doesn't seem to hinder the four sets of Kindergarten parents and two preschooler's mamas who've sought playdates with our offspring over the last 6 months. As I've only followed up on one out of six requests I'm at the point where I have to avoid eye contact at school events and sometimes avoid the events all together. What kind of urchin of a human being doesn't want to set up playdates for her kids?!
Last night we finally went out with T's best-new-Kindergarden-buddy (the one "yes") and her parents for dinner at a lovely craft beer place with a fenced kids play area. We talked, ate, laughed, for THREE HOURS. Far from the boring, dull, politically maligned unfriendable folks I was hoping they'd be, they were great. Very friendable. Once again it seemed ludicrous for me to announce (in my head) "sorry, my friend roster is full."
Fortunately, this morning they moved 8 hrs away.
So if you're one of our friends, we miss you. We'd like to see you more. Please pass on tips of how you manage work, kids (as applicable), a social life and don't burn out.
For all other warm, interesting, funny, engaging souls I bump into in this world, maybe we can be friends too... someday.
I'm aware that society likely views me as a social pariah. Rude. Self-centered. Unfriendly.
But the reality is much simpler. Over the last seven years we've built up a fantastic social circle in San Diego. Friends from B's first job here; friends from my rotating cadre of colleagues; prenatal classes through new baby friends; T's preschool friends and friends-of-friends-who-became-friends...
We've culled a bit; close friends have moved away; some new ones have moved in. Our rolodex of friends is now populated by 20 - 30 people we really like. And unfortunately, rarely see.
Most weeks stream by in a blur. I wake up; there's some morning activity that involves 1) COFFEE 2) cereal 3) struggles with clothes and small limbs and lots of complaining 4) rushing out the door; lots of work; a commute home and then in quick succession: dinner, PJs and bed. Not just the kids. B & I too.
Suddenly a weekend approaches and we are faced with Groundhog Day-like deja-vu of scheduling Family Time (just us 4), work, housework, home projects, a personal time/sanity break each for B & I and, if we're lucky, some social activity with friends. But then which ones? There are a few who I would consider close friends who I can count on one hand how often we've seen them this year. My best friend I rarely see outside of work. Even friends who we get to see fairly frequently we then lose for weeks or months to travel schedules, work hectic-ness or efforts to implement consistent nap or bedtimes (the Tyrannies of Toddlers/Preschoolers/Kindergarteners will be another post).
But isn't this how many of our friends' lives look, especially those with small humans they must care for 24-7?
Maybe. But it doesn't seem to hinder the four sets of Kindergarten parents and two preschooler's mamas who've sought playdates with our offspring over the last 6 months. As I've only followed up on one out of six requests I'm at the point where I have to avoid eye contact at school events and sometimes avoid the events all together. What kind of urchin of a human being doesn't want to set up playdates for her kids?!
Last night we finally went out with T's best-new-Kindergarden-buddy (the one "yes") and her parents for dinner at a lovely craft beer place with a fenced kids play area. We talked, ate, laughed, for THREE HOURS. Far from the boring, dull, politically maligned unfriendable folks I was hoping they'd be, they were great. Very friendable. Once again it seemed ludicrous for me to announce (in my head) "sorry, my friend roster is full."
Fortunately, this morning they moved 8 hrs away.
So if you're one of our friends, we miss you. We'd like to see you more. Please pass on tips of how you manage work, kids (as applicable), a social life and don't burn out.
For all other warm, interesting, funny, engaging souls I bump into in this world, maybe we can be friends too... someday.
