My new life as a mom...

Trying to lock my apartment with my car remote.

Overcoming my pet peeve of drinking tea that has gotten cold.

Walking around my house Lady Godiva style (minus the horse).

Curling up at the right bottom corner of the bed to sleep so that I don't disturb the twin giants (one big and handsome, one small and cute) sprawled across the top section of the bed.

Trying to remember what the inside of a gym looks like.

Singing, driving, shushing, looking in the review mirror and searching for a soother in the diaper bag all at once, all without going off the road.

Learning to like the warm glow of streetlights that you can see by at midnight, 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, etc.

Counting the hours till little Miss naps.

Counting the minutes until I can leave work to see her again.

Quick, while I have two hands!

Brent is laying on the couch with Thea, awake and happy after an hour-long nap, preceded by at least half an hour of wailing (Thea, not Brent this time). I think we must have missed her initial "I'm sleepy" cues so that she was too tired when we tried to get her to sleep. Though with little ones, it's hard to get confirmation. Our only other guesses are that,

1) she's already teething (as evidenced by my chomped-on nipples and some tell-tale drool on her wrap yesterday). Which would be very bad news, as she's only 2 months old and her teeth likely wouldn't break through for months!

or

2) she's missing grandma Lois and grandpa Peter. I don't know if she's old enough to get attached to individuals, but if she is, the fun, loving & soothing that she has received from my folks from the day of her birth until Friday would certainly have left a mark. Brent and I are already missing their presence and support, so it's understandable that the main focus of their attention - Thea - is too.

But while I have two hands free I better make use of them and send out a quick update. Life with Thea, my parents, Barclay, and a revolving door of much-appreciated guests (Auntie Lindsay; grandma Diane and grandpa Elliott; Julia and Laura over from Germany; Lorna and Anne passing through; and finally uncle Mathew last week) has made the last two months fly by. Of course most of the excitement comes from our new lives being ruled by, as one new mom termed her baby, our "little dictator." We do worship the ground she walks (ok, lays) on, but I can't remember being this tired before in my life!

Hopefully the videos are giving a glimpse of what I am missing in blog posts. But for the moment, here's a synopsis of what's new in our lives:

1) A new wrap!

Yes, this is what excites new parents. Thea is already the proud connoisseur of no less than 4 baby wearing devices (a pouch, two ring slings and a Baby Bjorn), each with their own specialties! But that didn't stop us from making it 5 (the others have been mostly gifts and we got this second-hand, so it's not like we're boosting the US economy on these) with the addition of a Moby Wrap! Now the first time I saw a Moby wrap I exclaimed that it was one of the more ridiculous things I'd seen North American women pay money for. Retail cost: $50-70 for a 15 foot piece of fabric. That's it. No straps, ties, padding, or shape. Just a long, thin (30" wide) strip of stretchy cotton. Wearers often struggle to tie themselves up in it, dragging the ends on the floor, and then eventually getting their babies inside. In Africa we just used one rectangular piece of cloth, swung it over the baby laying on our back and tied two knots with the corners - one above the boobs, one at the waist and you're good to go! This Moby wrap thing looked like you needed a degree to put it on!

Well folks, I'm converted! That unwieldy strip of fabric is heaven. It holds baby snugger than the Bjorn in up to 9 positions, doesn't hurt one shoulder like a ring sling, and distributes the baby's weight so evenly you can barely feel it! And it beats the African kitenges by not squishing already delicate anatomy! So what if you look like Obe Wan Kenobi when you're wearing it?

2) Jen went back to work.

It was an easier transition with my parents here to take Thea in the mornings while I went into the office, knowing that she was safe and happy with grandma and grandpa. This morning was my first real try unassisted. Thank goodness she's such a huge hit at the office. This helps when, after arriving an hour early to work to nurse her in the car then walk around campus in the vain hope that she'll fall asleep, I had to bring her in still awake and making all sorts of noises not normally heard in a university institute. Luckily, tucking her in our new moby wrap with her pacifier had her snoozing peacefully within 5 min. As long as her 2-4hr morning naps continue, I should be able to get some work done (knock on wood!).

3)...

Well there was a 3, but now I can't remember what it was. Ugh. Mommy brain.

Oh well, best get myself to sleep now anyway. I'm lucky to only be working at the office 3 days a week, so tomorrow Thea and I will be at home and I just might get a nap in! Hallelujah.

Love to all of you,

Jen, Brent and Thea

Well it seems that for the time being I've been reduced to one-handed typing, which leaves very brief updates and a fortnightly video for news! But hopefully you can see from the video that we continue to have lots of visitors, lots of fun, and that Thea is growing in leaps and bounds (I packed up her first box of outgrown clothes today *sniff* -even though she's now at around 9lbs - still the size of many newborns!).

Last week was especially eventful, as in the midst of a great visit from Julia and Laura over from Germany, Brent and I took Thea on her first flight(s) - to Vermont! A very last minute decision, but one we're very glad we made!

The next two weeks should be a bit quieter. I start work part-time again on Monday while grandma Lois and grandpa Peter enjoy their last two weeks with Thea (for now) before heading back to Victoria.

Well I better run... Thea just fell asleep which means I better try to grab some shut-eye too!

Love and hugs to all of you from us three.
J, B & T

P.s. Your generous greetings, gifts and congratulations have meant so much to us. We are so grateful that she can be welcomed into such an incredible, loving community of friends and family.

Thea's first video: Weeks 1 & 2

Hello again. I know I'm long overdue for a post, and I have one half written, but since it's taking so long to complete, I thought it better if I at least post this for now...


Thea Weeks 1 & 2 ...

For Mother's Day - Thea’s Birth Story

For those of you who wanted to know, I thought I'd post Thea's birth story today (though it's taken me since Wed to write it in one-handed hunt-and-peck, usually as Thea nursed).

Well, as our prenatal class instructor said, you never know what the birth fairy has in store for you!

After a few weeks of being convinced that my body had no idea that it even needed to go into labor, let alone how, I woke up at around 2 am on Tuesday morning with stabbing lower back pain. I assumed that the spicy Somali chicken dish Brent’s coworker had sent home with him (intended to get labor going) had given me some gas. And even though I was over a week overdue, it still took me an hour to accept that this probably wasn’t gas! I decided it was best to try to let Lindsay and Brent sleep (Mom and Dad were already moved over into their new apartment), even though I expected I was in it for the long haul (sleeping between contractions only worked when they spread out, which amounted to 5 min stints of shut-eye for only an hour). Brent finally found me slouched over the couch on my birthing ball in the living room around 5 am; Lindsay woke up at 8, both very excited when they heard the news.

My contractions were still irregular and not intense enough to indicate I was ready to go into the birth center (though I was still feeling them all in my back), so Brent and I decided to go to our scheduled 10:20 am prenatal apt at the medical clinic. We went for a walk (I stopped to lean on B during contractions) which unsurprisingly took us longer than expected so Mom came with us and parked while we ran in. Standing in line at the clinic’s registration desk I felt a gush of liquid rush down my leg (memories of grade 2 flashed back!). Oh no. I got into the office and ran to give my urine sample so I was well positioned when the big burst came! Unfortunately the excitement of knowing this was definitely Birth Day was soon erased when I noticed the undeniable meconium (baby’s first stool) in the amniotic fluid. In that instant we saw our dream of a Birth Center birth disappear. Our midwife delivered the bad news – while the meconium was likely just a result of the baby being post-due, it could mean she was in distress now, and they were worried she could have aspirated some in utero which would mean serious problems after birth. I was devastated. We weren’t allowed to go home; I had to be admitted to Labor & Delivery immediately. We called Dad and Lindsay to bring our hospital bag and the dozen things we had yet to pack to meet us at the hospital.

Unfortunately, from there things went from bad to worse. Cinco de Mayo turned out to be a "baby storm" day, so L & D was full. We were stuck in a tiny closet delivery room with no windows and barely enough room to fit us inside ( a room we had actually seen during our first hospital tour and I had announced "If that's where we'll be delivering I don't want to go to this hospital!"). By the time I was admitted my contractions were much stronger and closer together and still all in my back. I had always feared having back labor and I was told one by one that the coping techniques I was counting on were unavailable –no birth tub, no shower, no doula; I had limited mobility due to all the machines to which I was now attached, and it took them so long to track down a birth ball for me to use that when they finally did I could no longer move to use it (the room was too cramped anyway). Dad, Linds and Mom were all ordered to pummel my back as hard as they could to give me counter pressure during the contractions. They had to keep rubbing constantly though as even between contractions the pain did not disappear like it “should” do with normal labor. A further complication was that apparently I wasn’t getting enough oxygen (a doctor later stipulated this was a problem with the machine, not me) so every contraction machines would start beeping uncontrollably and I would be yelled at to breathe deeper/faster/more! I felt like I was getting plenty of oxygen, but the beeping and panic was destroying my concentration and breathing patterns to deal with the pain. My contractions became so strong and rapid that the midwife told me I was in transition (the last and most intense part of labor, right before pushing). Even though I was vomiting and unable to focus on Brent’s face anymore, I thought I could keep it up for another hour or two to have the natural birth we so badly wanted. But after two hours the midwife came back to check again and I was told I was only at 6 cm (transition is 8-10cm)! A door slammed shut in my mind and I told Brent to get the anesthesiologist. He tried to talk me out of it (like I’d asked him to) but I’d already thought it through. It was hugely disappointing to me to not have a completely natural birth, but with what we’d been dealt for this birth I felt I was at risk of passing out and having a forceps, vacuum or C-section delivery if I couldn’t get my strength back to push her out. Ironically, the nurses had such a hard time getting an IV in that relief didn’t come for another hour!

But then everything changed at once. 15 min after they finally got the epidural in they checked me and I was 9.5 cm. A big, bright room with huge widows became available that they moved me into. And then the midwife Brent and I had been choosing to see for the last two months came to visit us. She had been working at the clinic all day (that is who we had the earlier apt with) and was off work at 5pm. I thought she was just coming in to check on us when suddenly she returned in her scrubs! She continued to stay for the next 4.5 hours to deliver Thea and get me well and ready to go to recovery – all on her own time! It was like a different birth. My epidural was low enough that it started wearing off and I could feel the contractions in my left side. I didn’t mind the discomfort at all as then I could tell when to push. The pushing stage was slow and powerful and I had the energy and stamina to push her out and be completely present for her birth. I won’t give you all the “gory details”, but as a participant they weren’t gory, rather another example of the amazing capacities of the human body. Thea was born at 8:24 pm, wide awake and bright eyed, and gave a good strong cry when she came out, which allowed her to be handed to me instead of the waiting team of pediatricians (due to the fear of meconium in her lungs). Within 15 min she was nursing happily and then being passed around among all her waiting admirers.

For those who have not given birth, I can’t begin to describe the overwhelming surge of emotion that comes in those first moments - you can hear about over and over, but really there aren’t words to fully describe its intensity. Mom, Dad, Lindsay and of course Brent were all absolutely amazing. And while thoughts of having an only-child surfaced in the sore and most sleep-deprived moments, I think it's fairly safe to say how excited I'll be to do this all over again (and no, I'm not an epidural convert, even though I was very grateful for it at the time, we'll hope again for a completely natural birth next time!).

The days since then have been a wonderful, exhausting, overwhelming, awed blur. It is crazy how seemingly simple tasks get lost in the repetitive routine of making sure Thea eats, burps, relieves herself, is changed and sleeps. The latter seems to be one of her higher priorities and seems to have an inverse relationship to Brent and my ability to do so (especially since she only seems to be content to sleep at night when she’s touching one of us). But, we are so sickeningly besotted by her, that even at 4 am I have found an untouched store of patience I never knew I was capable of! The rest of the time we all just sit around making googly eyes at her and exclaim at the beauty of her smallest movement or expression. :-)





For those not on facebook, we will try to keep a steady stream of photos of her first weeks on our Flickr account: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenandbrent/ (there is also a link under "Good Sites" on the right of this page).

Well there's always more to write, but it's 9 pm and I'm exhausted! It was a wonderful Mother's Day, maybe I'll write about it the next time I get time... sometime before Halloween I hope!

Love to all,

J, B & little T

Thea Elaina

Yes, she's finally here!

We just got home from the hospital and are awaiting the arrival of her second set of grandparents, so for now, just the basics:

For the big decision, we finally decided to name her Thea (pronounced "ThAY-a") Elaina (like Elena) Smerdon Freeman. The names have family significance - after Jen's Grandma Dorthy and Brent's Grandma Elaine; as well as for their meanings and how they sound.

As for meaning, the baby name book we had said:

Thea - Greek, "goddess, godly" diminutive of Althea and Dorothea. Pronounced THEE-a, THAY-a, or TAY-a, this name of the Greek goddess of light and the mother of the sun, moon and dawn presents an appealing artistic image, sensitive and serene.

Elaina - French variation of Helen, from Greek, "bright shining one." A name that has connoted beauty since ancient times.

And the other standard details:

She was born at 8:24 pm on May 5th weighing 6 lbs 13 oz. and was 19.6 inches long. I'll let you know more details about her birth soon. It didn't go quite as planned, but in the end we were very happy with how she made her entrance, healthy happy and beautiful, into the outside world.

More photos coming soon too!

Lots of love to you all from Brent, Jen and Thea

While I'm waiting...

I might as well make a cheesy video!

30 & overdue

As you can all attest, it's a huge surprise that our daughter is deciding to make a late entrance considering she comes from two always-punctual parents!

So, so much for the midwife's prediction; she seems eternally comfortable in there and my body seems oblivious to the knowledge that it must perform any sort of big event any time soon. I have started to feel a few painless Braxton-Hicks "practice" contractions, but by "a few," I mean perhaps half a dozen or less in over a week - which is what most women start feeling at around 6-7 months. By these calculations I am convinced that my biological clock is planning our baby's arrival sometime in August.

Unfortunately, the medical establishment isn't too comfortable with 12 month gestations. They are set on inducing me with the evil drug Pitocin when I hit 42 weeks (May 11). That day also coincides with my loss of Birth Center eligibility, which would be incredibly disappointing. So, in the meantime we're trying to walk the fine line between letting her come when she's ready and "encouraging" my body to pick up SOME signs of impending labor!

In addition to the usual home remedies, I will be going to have my "membranes swept" (separating the amniotic sack from the uterine wall) on Thursday (yes, Brent's birthday, but if the baby hasn't arrived by then, he'll be at work) in the hopes of either putting me into labor or giving me a few hours of contractions which will hopefully move me closer to natural labor in the days/week to come. If that, acupuncture and caster oil all fail, our last-ditch attempt will come the following weekend when they'll try to break my water at least 24 hrs before I hit 42 weeks. The only issue then is that I will be on a 24hr clock to deliver, which may mean the dreaded Pitocin...

BUT that's all still 12-13 days away, so we'll take things as they come and hope that none of this is necessary!!! Who knows, maybe she'll come tonight?

Other than that, someone had a 30th birthday on Saturday...

And while I completely forgot it was my birthday multiple times in the weeks & days leading up to it, my family and Brent made sure I was well celebrated (though my current state of mind is that birthdays should be for celebrating the mother!). Brent made me his infamous whole wheat mixed berry and banana-chocolate chip pancakes from scratch, with a smoothie and cardamom coffee for breakfast. Mom, Lindsay and I had a girls' treat (we don't know why Brent and Dad didn't want to join!) of mani-pedis & a shopping trip. The day finished with Brent taking us out to a surprise dinner at a swishy sushi bar then back home for cake. I wish the rest of my 30's could be this spoiled!

Other than that, Mom, Dad, Lindsay and I have been gallivanting around and trying not to think about the baby's lack of arrival while Brent's been busy at work most days. The rest of the photos are from a hike in Mission Trails park, which was lots of fun but alas, did not start labor!


Hope you're all well,

Jen, Brent and the large, heavy bump!

The end of couplehood...

No, she hasn't arrived yet ;-)

But in part to celebrate my last day of work on Thursday and partially in recognition that my mom arrives on Thursday and will stay until the baby's arrival (and a couple months after - thank goodness!) Brent and I decided to celebrate our last weekend exclusively as a "couple" this weekend!

As other "foodians" can appreciate, most of our celebrating revolved around eating out (and there were no movies in the theaters worth paying $21 for). So for a brief rundown:

After Brent got back from work on Friday we went out for a delicious Ethiopian buffet dinner, eavesdropped on the table beside ours' discussions of Zanzibar (which they had only visited for a day visit - which made us wonder how anyone could leave after only a few hours?!) and generally stuffed ourselves silly while reminiscing about travels past and hopefully future!

Saturday morning Brent woke me with his signature from-scratch berry pancakes before we went for an exhilarating walk to a park a few blocks (and two big hills) away from our house that has an archery range Brent is suddenly interested in (?!). Then came the weekend's highlight: an appointment at a spa in Ocean Beach for an indulgent 1.5 hr couples' massage and pampering foot scrub. Pummeled, scrubbed and soothed, we lounged at a cafe in OB watching the Nelson-meets-Tofino So-Cal scene passing by before taking a long walk on the surfer-and-palm tree beachfront. We got back to Hillcrest in time for our dinner reservations at a fancy Indian restaurant before heading home to a scrumptious mango sorbet and chocolate truffle desert.

On Sunday we took it slow with our usual schedule of grocery shopping, calls to our parents, a walk through Balboa, and in the afternoon/evening our second-to-last prenatal class. And while we had every intention of going home to cook, the late hour and aroma of something vaguely Asian convinced us to stop and pick up sushi on the way home. Ahhh, Heaven!

However, as I was on the elliptical trainer at the gym this morning I realized that had our daughter wanted to make an early appearance, I had inadvertently done about 8 out of 10 of the main labor-starting techniques (spicy food, big meals, strenuous hill climbs, getting a prenatal massage, squats, lunges, lots of walking and it was just after the full moon) over the weekend! So while I don't know how she could possibly sit any lower in my pelvis, it seems she may be looking to hold on to "life on the inside" for another week or two at least. Nevertheless, as I hit 38 weeks today Brent and I realized that one way or another, 4 weeks today (induction day if it comes to that) she will be in our arms!

In the meantime we're really looking forward to mom arriving on Thursday and Lindsay, my dad and Barclay arriving the following week. From there the arrivals should just keep coming...!

Hope you all are doing very well,

Jen, Brent and since I can't really think of another fruit heavier or rounder than a watermelon, she'll have to stay as that for now!

A lucky day for Jen

It's been a great day so I thought I'd share some not-exclusively baby-related news!

First of all, today was preceeded by a great weekend, hitting the beach on Coronado island, attending our second birth-prep class, finding and committing to an apartment for my parents (and any other visitors who want to stay with them while they're in San Diego), and being spoiled with yet another baby shower last night!

However, the baby shower was quite a party and after getting home close to 11 pm last night, another one of my increasingly restless nights convinced me to "not work" from home today. I say not work because I only have 20 hours remaining on my current work contract and yet still have a lot of work left in my "plan-a-three-day-human-rights-arts-festival-and-raise-$22,000-to-fund-it" project for the institute. It has been a stressful balancing act and I was not looking forward to tying up 6 weeks worth of work this week to leave for an undesignated person to try to take over. As I was anxiously pondering my tight timeline, I received an e-mail from my boss saying she has secured funding for me to work part-time from August up until the festival in September! That was fabulous news. Though it didn't quite remove the pressure of how to leave things between now and August... Three hours later I get another e-mail, this time saying my boss has found more funding to pay me for a week or two before July 1 to "tide things over"! :-)!

Just when I thought it was really my lucky day, I was outside getting my laundry when my neighbor came out to see if we happened to need one of our few remaining 'wish list' items - a brand new changing pad!

Hmm... maybe I should buy a lottery ticket tonight!

I hope you all are having similarly good days.

Jen, Brent and the very heavy watermelon

p.s. thanks to everyone who's casting their chips in Baby Freeman's Date-of-Arrival pool, we love seeing your guesses (though there are some late ones that I hope will not win! ;-).

When is she coming...?

The weekend of the baby!

This weekend was Brent and my first real dose of baby-mania. On Friday night her hammock arrived by UPS...

We spent Saturday morning driving around to pick up her stroller at REI...

and the hammock stand from a Japanese baby store...

Saturday afternoon the girls from my walking group threw me a faaaaabulous baby shower in

the park, tripling our previous clothes/hats/bibs/blankets/toys supplies with boxes of their hand-me-downs and a few bags of new things as well! Sat. night and Sunday morning were spent washing, folding and putting away her new items and starting to pack our hospital bag. And finally, the weekend was topped off by our first 3 hr. birth prep class on Sunday evening!

Suddenly her arrival has seemed to go from happily anticipated, to real and somewhat imminent!

Well not imminent, imminent! Yesterday I turned 36 weeks. Officially, that means baby Smerdon Freeman will be considered full term in only 5 days... but her due date is still just under 4 weeks away (27 days as my calendar reminds me).

Now due dates mean different things to different people. Many enlightened prenatal care providers will tell you you really have a due month between weeks 37 and 41/42. Your actual due date is 40 weeks (9 months + 7 days) from the first day of your last period (sorry for Too Much Information) and statistically has a slightly higher likelihood of you giving birth than on the other 27 days of your due "month." But many 2nd and 3rd time moms will "go" early, and many 1st time moms will "go" late. That said, you'll hear tons of stories of FTM's going early and the mother of 7 being induced post-term. So really, it's anyone's guess!

According to my mother, I am destined to "go" late. Perhaps she was late with me, or she just thinks the full-moon on May 9 is perfect timing for her granddaughter's entrance. Since our little watermelon is a little on the small side and seems fairly content in there I tended to agree with her on the slightly late side.

Until today.

As our midwife palpated my stomach this morning, she checked the baby's position again and even confirmed with a quick ultrasoundic glimpse - baby's head is down, way down. She can still roll around, as she demonstrated by rolling her body from my left side to my right side during the ultrasound. But her head is deep down in my pelvis - also called "engaged," which means it will likely (hopefully) be stuck there now until birth. This also means that the pressure her head is now exerting on my cervix will hopefully/likely help it "efface" (i.e. thin from a few inches thick to paper thin before/as it opens) either by my due date, or very possibly, sooner.

So while I'm not going to get my hopes up and will still focus on April 27-30 as her likely arrival time (if not later) there is now an increased likelihood that the dates leading up to the end of April are just as likely as the dates after.

Which brings me to the point of this e-mail: time to start the betting! The Freemans got a bit of head start on this so here are their contributions:

Gavin - April 28

Brent - April 30

Grace - May 2

Diane - May 4

Elliott - May 7

Lois - May 9 (right mom?)

[But don't guess after May 11-14, as that will be induction time!]

So post your guesses as comments and we will keep track! And if you want to guess the same day as someone else, we'll just have to ask for times to see who gets it closer if you're right. And who knows, there could be anything from naming to bragging rights in it for the winner ;-)

Love to all of you from us,

XXx

A face a mother (and father) could love

I know she looks a bit alien-like, but here are some photos Brent and I received at our 3-D ultrasound appointment last month.

The appointment was a secret at the time as it produced our birthday present for Diane, a video of her first grandchild, still in utero!

The video is more entertaining than the photos alone, as our stubborn daughter (further confirming that she will be a Taurus like her parents) spent 15 min of our supposedly 15min appointment with her hands and feet firmly in front of her face! The technician (wanting to get her outrageous fee for a 'successful' ultrasound) let our appointment go 5 minutes over in her attempt to jiggle, roll, push, and suggest to our daughter to please stop hiding so mommy and daddy could see her face!

Finally, when I jiggled her hands and feet, our little monkey finally obliged. Then we got all sorts of antics from her - eyes open, yawning, sucking her fingers and toes and even her umbilical cord!

I still find it a bit difficult to make a correlation between these images and the face we'll see in the birthing room, but we stare at her face lovingly nevertheless.

Love,

Jen, Brent and our little monkey

(Her eyes are open in many of the photos, and you can often see her umbilical cord, including the first and last ones where she's got it in her mouth)

In My Humble Opinion...

It seems that not much inspires judgement in our society as much as parenting. Whether it be self-righteousness or self-consciousness, no one seems to be able to look at the act of creating, bearing and raising a child in this world without judging whether each act is right or wrong, good or bad, advisable or not.

I just came back from my weekly walking group where a new group of moms had gathered (my 4 usual companions were all unable to make it). Two were labor and delivery (L&D) nurses at a local hospital, one with two toddlers and one with a 7 week old baby. The other two ladies were young moms with 7 and 11 month old babies.

We discussed the usual topics of where they delivered, how their births went, what the transition to motherhood was like, etc. before the host of questions began for the pregnant lady (aka me) - when was I due, what was I having, did she have a name yet... when we got on to where I would deliver. As soon as I mentioned the words "Birth Center" their expressions changed: "Oh. You're one of the ones who is going to try it without drugs!" Knowing smirks were exchanged between the L&D nurses. They looked at me with a mix of humor and condescension, like parents humoring their obviously disillusioned child.

A little while later I was discussing feeding with the constantly flustered mother of the 7 week old (one of the L&D nurses) who casually slipped in - "well you're probably breastfeeding, right? I just assume because you're going for natural childbirth, you're one of those moms..." I tried to let that one go as I watched her formula-feed her infant a few minutes later.

Finally, as I was making my exit (completely bored) I asked whether I would see the women next week. "Sure;" one of the L&D nurses responded, "unless you're not here for a while..." [indicating that I may have delivered]. "Oh, I hope she'll stay inside for at least another month. She can't come before my mother arrives on April 16th - she would have a fit!" I joked. "Well, we'll be eager to hear how it goes if you do!" Another loaded glance passed between them with suppressed giggles, before the older one added, "We'll see if you earned your gold star!"

This conversation is just the latest example of what I have realized is another mark of new parenthood - a honed auditory filter and a passable fake smile as you receive the frequent barrage of advice from friends, family and strangers on the street once you are marked as being in the care of a child. The tricky part is getting the information you want out of all the stuff you don't. Which is where we come back to my original point on judgement.

For example...

1) The crunchy/non crunchy camps

A term used to describe how "hippie" you are, it is worn on natural mom chat sites like a badge. Everyone wants to know (or profess) how crunchy are you! Points seem to be awarded for your support of: natural childbirth, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing (to do with carrying your baby around in a sling or wrap), attachment parenting, co-sleeping, your suspicion of traditional vaccine schedules, and feeding your child homemade (organic) baby food when they (ever) wean from the breast.

By most standards, Brent and I fall primarily into the 'pretty darn crunchy' category, but that doesn't stop it irking me that as much self-righteousness seems to flow from the crunchy camp as from the L&D nurses today.

2) The old-school/"modern" moms camps

In one example, I received warning today of the responses I could encounter if we choose to take our daughter out in public shortly after her birth. Depending on how I'm feeling postpartum, this had been something Brent and I were excited about. Apparently, women of the older generation in San Diego have been known (as many of the women attested) to chide new mothers for bringing their babies outdoors at such a young age - apparently they think starving alone in your apartment is preferable to entering a grocery store with a <1 week old baby. This can go the other way though too. Many 'modern' moms considering themselves baby-product savvy will refuse anything not directly off the highest-end baby store shelf for fear of quality, safety and style; looking down their noses at any moms that have not outfitted their children in anything but the best brand-names, and can spot your make of stroller a mile off. 3) The It's YOUR baby camp

This dichotomy may baffle me the most. For all the unsolicited, nosy, self-assured judgements that complete strangers feel free to make on parents, there seems to be an increasing lack of communal responsibility/friendship towards parents with babies or children in other areas. For example, I have witnessed, experienced and heard of numerous incidences of the general public's lack of courtesy with regards to both pregnant women and mothers with small children. The giving up of seats on buses, opening of doors to those with strollers, let alone assisting a stroller up stairs seems to be becoming a rarity. If your baby cries in a restaurant, airplane or store you are likely to be shot death glares more than sympathetic smiles. And then there's some individuals' reactions to breastfeeding in public! A friend of mine actually carries around a card that states California's pro-breastfeeding laws, while I have heard the laments of mothers in other states where breastfeeding in public is illegal!

Perhaps when our little one comes we'll post a sign on her stroller that reminds folks that the only perfect parents are those without children ;-)


Meanwhile, our increasingly heavy honeydew melon is now 35 weeks, weighs nearly 5.5 lbs (though her mom is carrying around 25 lbs!) and is about as long as she'll be at birth. Which theoretically could happen at any time in the next 6 weeks. There are less than 5 weeks till her due date, though she'll be full term in less than 2! Eek! I really don't think she'll be making her appearance until after her due date, but maybe we better go install the car seat just in case...!

Love to all of you,

Jen, Brent & our little honeydew

Maui Movie Madness

Well, it's a movie of our trip to Maui. The madness part came in me trying to wrestle with Microsoft Movie Maker's quirky movie making program! How I wish our photos were on Brent's Mac...

Enjoy (and be forgiving or I may not be making another one)!

Love,

Jen, Brent and our not-so-little watermelon

Rude tram drivers, the Zen of gridlock and my obsession with vampires

I'm on my lunch hour, so I thought I'd share with you a tale from my morning commute and my latest obsession...

Since Maui, Brent and I have been slowly readjusting to SD time until this morning, when we pushed ourselves out of bed at our "usual" wake-up time of 5:45am to make our first trip back to the gym (those macadamia nut pancakes aren't going to work themselves off you know!). I was taking the car today so that I can go to my prenatal yoga class tonight, so we went to the gym closer to Brent's work. I dropped him off at 8:15 and began the 15min drive to USD. Three blocks from Brent's work a police van blocked the main road to the highway, directing traffic up a side road. I went with the flow, thinking, like most roads in San Diego, that there would be a fairly straightforward parallel route - the cars in front of me likely knew it (or were being guided by their GPS's) so I'd just follow them. That's how I ended up in 15min lineup of drivers weaving through stop sign and crosswalk-speckled suburbia! By the time I finally made it onto interstate 8, I edged over to the fast lane only to be greeted by another wall of brake lights 3min after getting on the freeway! An accident was waiting to be cleared just before my exit, leaving me in solid gridlock for another half an hour!

For most drivers this would be an infuriating chain of events, but instead of letting my blood pressure climb with each lurching minute, I tried to take the gridlock as an opportunity to practice Zen philosophy (perhaps for the first time). I'm no expert, but I seemed to remember it has something to do with acceptance. I had a choice of how to approach my predicament: bang my head repeatedly against the steering wheel and get into fights with anyone who cut me off/didn't let me in as we inched along the 7 miles of asphalt until my turn-off; or, simply accept that there was nothing I could do to change the situation and refuse to let it bother me. I'd get to work when I got there.

Well the latter option worked for me all the way to the university. I had to park in the lower lot as I was so late, and faced the uphill climb up to the IPJ (the entire university is perched on a steep hill) with trepidation. I was carrying 3 bags and already tired from my workout. So you can imagine my relief when I saw one of the university shuttles approaching a stop on the hill that would take me up. The doors to the crowded bus opened and a young, athletic 20-something student got on ahead of me. Then I stepped on. That's when the driver said, "Excuse me, there's another shuttle coming in a minute that will have room." Um, me? The 8-month out-of-breath pregnant lady carrying 3 bags? Or the hoard of fit, Gucci-purse toting freshmen you're letting on? Evidently he meant me. And evidently none of the spoilt, rich, OMG-I'm-so-bummed-my-chauffeur-didn't-take-me-this-morning USD students felt there was anything wrong with me getting off the bus. There was no other shuttle in sight, and before the bus pulled away, I started heaving myself up the hill. Again, the driver seemed to see nothing wrong with this and passed me.

Perhaps I'm being irrational? Maybe this is just the hormones talking? But seriously, don't you think some degree of common courtesy could have either a) allowed me on anyway, or b) asked the young, fit, guy to wait for the next bus?, and either way, once they saw that I didn't have time to wait (already being late for work), wouldn't you let me on anyway? I had been so Zen up until then!

Well it's over now. I survived the sweaty (yes, it's hot here) lunge-like trek up the hill and into the office without a heart-attack or going into labor. So to take my mind off the indignation of this morning, I'm focusing on the 5 remaining hours I have until I can get my latest fix - of vampires that is. Well, a vampire book. Or rather, series. Ok, so I'm addicted to the teeny-bopper Twilight series! There, I said it! I almost added it as an entire section of my Maui post, just because it quickly transformed from a light beach read to an all-consuming obsession, even requiring a mid-week late-night drive two towns over to the Barnes and Noble to pick up the next book in the series (which I already owned, but had left in SD thinking there was no way I was going to get through a 500 pg. book amidst a week of activities in paradise!)!

As my friend Nicky surmised: reading Twilight saga is like eating a bag of chips - you know it's not good for you, and it's not making you a better person, but you just can't stop! I have also concluded that for women at least, the 17 year old main character Bella's first-person narrative has an eerily uncanny ability to return intelligent, adult women to our love-struck teenage romances (whether we actually had them or just wished we did). Bella, mind you can be a bit frustrating. In the second book in particular. But she's madly in love with a vampire (and I hope not a werewolf too!), so I guess she deserves a bit of a break. BUT, I better leave it there in case any of you are mid-series or about to be hooked! I hastily ordered the last two books within an hour of us returning to San Diego Sat night, but due to the weekend I've been forced to wait until tonight for my 2-day expedited shipping to get the books from Amazon to my doorstep (and be on my doorstep they better be! If UPS tries to misdeliver this package -like it has my last two- there are going to be serious consequences!!!).

Now if I were to skip my prenatal yoga class tonight I would only have 3 hrs until my fix...! Hmm... I guess I should get back to work then ;-)

Maui

Yes it's a week of multiple posts! You lucky folks ;-)

On Saturday night Brent and I returned home from our last plane trip before we start travelling as a family of 3 (even though we know things will be irreversibly different after her arrival, we both refuse to refer to this as our last "hurrah"!).

Strangely, I didn't feel a huge urge to go to Hawaii before this trip, mostly because so many other destinations are already at the top of my (never ending) "as soon as time and money allows, I have to go there!" list. Well I stand corrected -Maui was fabulous! Much more than an over-touristed collection of luxury hotels and golf courses out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, Maui was not only scenically beautiful, but had surprisingly (to me at least) varied terrain, and despite our trip coinciding with the height of tourist season, it was fairly laid-back!

A play-by-play of our 9 days would take a little too long, so here are some highlights, with photos to do most of the talking:

Beaches (of course)...

It's what most people go for I guess - the beaches. And I have to say, they are pretty nice. Not as crowded as I'd feared and often aquamarine with coral ridges encircling most of the island.

The snorkeling was good at most of the more sheltered beaches we found, and on the rest, the surfing (had I been in a condition to try it) looked like it would have been great (though a bit intimidating to try amidst all the pro-looking surfers).

Rainforests...

For some reason I didn't expect Maui to have rainforests (thinking any former foliage had long been cleared for condos, resorts and pineapples). Go figure. We rented a condo in the small beach town of Napili, at the foot of the tropical foothills of Maui's jagged north-western mountains. That range contained the Iao Valley state park, where the few meters of paved boardwalk failed to satiate us, leading all 6 of us to climb railings, ignore signposts and venture off on a (very well-worn but nevertheless forbidden) trail amidst the luscious, cloud-covered peaks.

Our other major excursion into tropical rainforest was on the must-see (but highly discouraged by car rental companies) 6hr+ out-and-back trip to Hana. The

road is the destination, with 45 miles of winding switchbacks along one of Maui's most rugged and exposed coastlines. If you keep your wits about you and stay ON the treacherous road, waterfalls, black sand beaches, monster waves and world- (or at least Maui-) famous banana bread await you!

However, there was one notable exception to the sopping greenery covering most of the island: Haleakala "Crater."

Venturing to the top of the volcano in the south east of the island was well worth the over 1hr switchback climb up to the 10,028 ft peak.

The 19 sq. mile "crater" (actually caused by erosion, rather than eruption, but filled with many smaller craters) looks more like a moonscape than the "volcano" archetype of active bubbling magma found on the Big Island. I was careful to not gallivant around too much at altitude, but the freezing wind left none of us really wanting to do the 3-8hr hikes at the peak.

Whales whales and more whales...

(look carefully, the photo below is a breech not a tail...)

I expected the sun, sand and surf, but what I didn't realize was that we were arriving smack-dab in the middle of whale season! And while I've been lucky enough to grow up around whales all my life, I have never seen such overcrowded abundance as the humpbacks mating and calving off Maui. As we watched the sun set on the beach our first night in Napili we couldn't believe our luck when we glimpsed a whale breeching a ways offshore. The next morning we were on our way to another part of the island and along the coast road we started seeing more splashes and spray fairly near to shore. Like typical tourists, we quickly pulled off at the nearest viewpoint. Well after about 10 min we'd lost track of all the spouts, tail and fin slaps and the odd breach (of jousting males) going on in every direction!

The real highlight came when we ventured out on a 47' catamaran to Molokini crater for Diane's birthday. The 5hr snorkeling trip included a 2-3.5 hr sail out and back from the crater, which ended up doubling as a whale watching trip. There were so many humpbacks that our two-man crew was grumbling that they were having to navigate a whale slalom course just to get back to the harbor!

You can see from the photos how close the whales were to our snorkeling site (the island in the background with the boats in front), so a part of me did consider venturing beyond the crater to see if I could catch a glimpse of them underwater (what do they tell you about not approaching mothers with young???). Luckily perhaps, it was soon obvious that that was a bit too far to go, but we got another thrill when, at the edge of the crater a diving expedition to see some triggerfish I suddenly had deja-vu from a grade 4 science movie... The water was filled with a cacophony of whale cries! Turns out sound travels better just a few feet underwater, so the more we dove, the more gentle mother-baby screeches we got to hear. Soooo neat!

Of course there's lots more I could write about, but for now I'll leave you with the photos instead. Maybe if I get really creative (and find a lot of free time) I may even try to make one of these "vacation videos" that my talented friend Cat seems to come up with!

In the meantime, it's back to work!

Love, Jen, Brent and our wriggling watermelon