It's been a few months since I've written. You may have been wondering what we are up to. Well for the last two weeks, it's been a long and frequently private, shadowy process. Handing over our most personal and private identifying information. Long (40+ qu.) essay-answer applications. Payments (read: bribes) to shady individuals. Private interviews. Inspections of our home and family. Classified correspondence with a faceless and shadowy group of mysterious power brokers. Treated as pawns in a game of high-stakes espionage played with opaque rules and hidden traps.
You'd be forgiven for assuming one of us was applying to join a clandestine government agency or crime syndicate. No, we're just trying to adopt a rescue dog.
We thought the rescue route made sense. Young dog needs loving, nurturing, responsible home, we have a loving, nurturing, responsible home, and want dog = match made in heaven!
Evidently not. The underground world of elite dog rescue (elite because we are drawn to breeds like Labrador retrievers or golden retrievers which tend to be more in demand than the latest iPhone) resembles more like a racketeering ring run by a clique of righteous old dog ladies. They hoard the most desired dogs (puppies) and wield their power over the uninitiated potential adopter with glee. Fees up front. Grueling interviews with secret rules. Then, arbitrary judgements handed down with no accountability, transparency, or recourse.
You'd be forgiven for assuming one of us was applying to join a clandestine government agency or crime syndicate. No, we're just trying to adopt a rescue dog.
We thought the rescue route made sense. Young dog needs loving, nurturing, responsible home, we have a loving, nurturing, responsible home, and want dog = match made in heaven!
Evidently not. The underground world of elite dog rescue (elite because we are drawn to breeds like Labrador retrievers or golden retrievers which tend to be more in demand than the latest iPhone) resembles more like a racketeering ring run by a clique of righteous old dog ladies. They hoard the most desired dogs (puppies) and wield their power over the uninitiated potential adopter with glee. Fees up front. Grueling interviews with secret rules. Then, arbitrary judgements handed down with no accountability, transparency, or recourse.
Home Interview 1: sketchy questions, with vague assurances that our application will now go to a "committee" for "review"... if it is "approved" then we will be "allowed" to e-mail foster parents of dogs we like on the website.
Supposedly we are successful, but two attempts to e-mail foster parents with promising initial e-mails are then followed by radio silence. Our follow-up calls are eventually answered with "Sorry, we have already matched that dog to another family..." It feels like getting dumped.
Home interview 2: the volunteer inspects our fence while we play happily with her 6 month old gorgeous lab puppy that she brings just to taunt us. She confirms that we are interested in a young dog 2 months - 2/3 years old. Interview ends with her stating we likely won't be approved for a puppy because we have children. Children have toys. Puppies could choke on toys. My retort that small children can choke on toys too and we managed to keep them alive falls flat. I don't think this woman knows anything about kids.
Her e-mail that night brims with false enthusiasm, "You've been approved to adopt a dog 3 years old and above!" It feels like a slap in the face. Evidently volunteers are mere cogs in the organization's wheel. Young kids = no puppies, it's for the good of the party my Comrades!
We are now in line for our third home visit. Even though we'd be thrilled with (even prefer) a dog of 6 - 12 months, it looks like that could involve knocking someone off and half a year's salary in ransom. Shockingly, a litter of 5 week old lab pups was just posted on the third agency we applied to, and some initial e-mails have indicated they are considering us DESPITE the fact that we have young kids... However, going through another one of these home visits, handing over another non-refundable "donation" and then sitting on pins and needles for 3 weeks until the pups are old enough to go home, without any assurance that we will be get one of the final matches may prove more than we can bear.
So my friends, for all of you considering the journey to dog ownership through a lab or golden retriever rescue site, we recommend the following:
Stay tuned to see which of those options we choose!
Supposedly we are successful, but two attempts to e-mail foster parents with promising initial e-mails are then followed by radio silence. Our follow-up calls are eventually answered with "Sorry, we have already matched that dog to another family..." It feels like getting dumped.
Home interview 2: the volunteer inspects our fence while we play happily with her 6 month old gorgeous lab puppy that she brings just to taunt us. She confirms that we are interested in a young dog 2 months - 2/3 years old. Interview ends with her stating we likely won't be approved for a puppy because we have children. Children have toys. Puppies could choke on toys. My retort that small children can choke on toys too and we managed to keep them alive falls flat. I don't think this woman knows anything about kids.
Her e-mail that night brims with false enthusiasm, "You've been approved to adopt a dog 3 years old and above!" It feels like a slap in the face. Evidently volunteers are mere cogs in the organization's wheel. Young kids = no puppies, it's for the good of the party my Comrades!
We are now in line for our third home visit. Even though we'd be thrilled with (even prefer) a dog of 6 - 12 months, it looks like that could involve knocking someone off and half a year's salary in ransom. Shockingly, a litter of 5 week old lab pups was just posted on the third agency we applied to, and some initial e-mails have indicated they are considering us DESPITE the fact that we have young kids... However, going through another one of these home visits, handing over another non-refundable "donation" and then sitting on pins and needles for 3 weeks until the pups are old enough to go home, without any assurance that we will be get one of the final matches may prove more than we can bear.
So my friends, for all of you considering the journey to dog ownership through a lab or golden retriever rescue site, we recommend the following:
- Give up now. Choose a breed more readily available at your local humane society, e.g. a pit bull.
- Lie on your application. You are now an extremely active retired couple in a 3000 ft house, with an acre of land, no kids and 5 pure-bred retrievers. Send your kids to a babysitter, erase all evidence of their existence, hire actors and take a big house hostage for the home interview.
- RUN don't walk, to a breeder.
Stay tuned to see which of those options we choose!
