Some final pregnancy musings

Well it's not a birth announcement (yet). In fact, my midwife's latest prediction is another week. *Sigh* Theoretically I understand that 1) a week is not a long time; 2) neither is 2 weeks if it came to that; and 3) I should be enjoying luxuries such as a full night's sleep, long showers, one-on-one time with my hubby or T, or the ability to have a degree of personal autonomy (I do have a 2 yr old remember) without my life being ruled in 2 hr increments. But as with any big event looming, sometimes it's woefully hard not to obsess about when the big moment is going to come.

So whether N's going to make his entrance soon or not, I thought it might be an idea to get those last pregnancy musings out now (at least one of each, cuz it's late and I remember I should be sleeping!). After all, this may be my last shot at this with-child thing.

One thing I'll miss

Feeling him move. Sure, he feels like a pterodactyl stretching in there right now, and my ribs weren't happy to be his heel rests from week 30 - 36, but I remember the longing I felt when T's nudges silenced after she was on the outside. Of course I then had the magic of being able to inhale her sweet scent, see into her eyes, hold her hands or count her toes. But I remember walking down the hall at work one day missing her terribly and realizing that when she was on the inside I got to take her with me to work - everywhere - 24-7 she was with me. But once a baby is on the outside, they have to fit into societal norms of where they are and aren't welcome. They're also a lot more work. But I missed having her so close. And I know I will miss him just as much.

One thing I'm scared of

Not loving him as much as T. This is a hard one to admit publicly, and I only really do so because nearly every parent we know with more than one child assures me that this is a common fear that will be quickly and fully rebuked the first time I lay eyes on him. Furthermore, I know I already love him, tons, and just can't wait to meet him. So what's this nervousness? Maybe it's a little of my "oh my gosh, it's a boy" insecurities returning, or just some anxiety surrounding the memories of how completely we fell in love with T the moment we saw her and the disbelief that that kind of love can happen to a human being again.

One thing I can't wait for

To meet him. Everything from the first time we set eyes on him (what's he going to look like?) to the first kiss, the first smell, the first snuggle... But most of all, the slow revealing of his personality over each day, week, month, year to come.

So there you go. He's coming. No idea when or where (though I hope we have a good guess on the latter), but odds are he will be on the outside soon enough.

Looking forward to meeting you little one.